It is in India I first was called a foreigner. I suddenly felt the trauma of new Australians or their children, never really accepted.
“Foreigner?” he quizzed his Hindustani accent giggling, derisive but not mockingly so (“You are not Indian, us you will never understand”.)
There is always a distance, like the man and wife who in public speak with formulistic politeness, never fist name.
You ask someone to translate. But it is never your words. Instead a summary, a question is asked, they answer as if somehow your mind has been read.
But it is never me. I understand enough Hindi to know i said nothing of the sort.
You travel and a friend promises to translate the Hindi speaking guide. Five minutes of talk is condensed to 20 seconds. “He said ….” No requests for clarification or questions allowed. Asking for the details is met with disdain. “You ask too many questions, you are always in your head.”
It mirrors my inability to speak Hindi well.
Of course I don’t understand every cultural nuance.. That’s why I want my words translated correctly. That’s why I want to ask questions.
I want to understand. How can I explain to you that this is my home, the land of my heart. How do I prove to you I don’t feel I belong in Australia that sees me as too India, while you call me too Australian?
I am denied meaning of the experience and without meaning, I have no story – no narrative –that defies me.
I am left rootless in another land, a foreigner.
Reflections of India 
I just found this website, and it’s great. But this particular post is interesting because though it seems you’re Indian, it also seems you know nothing about Indian culture as it is, but rather see what you think it ought be through the lens of historicity.
I apologize for what will come off as a racist rant, but it’s honest and I feel like saying it.
Having been to India many times and being married to an Indian, one thing I’ve learned is that Indians absolutely do not care about the things that we from the outside associate with India i.e. religious scriptures, intellectual topics of any kind and ESPECIALLY intellectually understanding dharmic books, or anything else which isn’t going to immediately produce more money for them or entertain them at someone else’ expense. Sadism and money are Gods across the subcontinent.The amount of violence and emotional abuse I saw there was astounding, and none of the violence makes it into the news, data tables or statistics. You can forget about going there and having deep conversations with people there. It won’t happen. Nobody is curious or wants to learn. Stay in the west if you want that.
There is no system such as we who live in white western cultures understand a system to be. You can drive any way you want on either side of the road and blame people who you hit with your car and blame them for being hit, you can set up a business on someone else’ property etc. Words in India don’t even mean what the words actually mean. Yes means no, 100% means 0%, “abhi chal rahe hain” doesn’t mean “we’re leaving now”, it means we’re standing here talking and creating problems that didn’t exist previously and will leave much later and after much unnecessary pain and emotional anguish.
One of the most common things you’ll hear in India is “there was nothing I could do.” Everyone is averse to doing anything. It’s impossible to fix simple things, it’s impossible to stop your neighbor from beating the shit out of his kids, it’s impossible to refund a ticket for a train that wasn’t even scheduled but tickets were sold anyway, and on and on. Everything is impossible and everyone is crippled. The place seems to have produced a type of humanity with spines made of boiled noodles and whose males never develop into men with discipline of any kind. Makes sense when you consider that their mom’s often choose their wife for them. I can’t imagine a very disciplined culture emanating from such babying social conditions.
One thing I’ll say is that I felt a deep pain when you mentioned the translation thing. My in-laws completely robbed me of an opportunity to know my father in-law before he died because those assholes wouldn’t translate a single fucking word for me, and the few times they did, it was as you described- half assed, incomplete and lazily. They were too busy standing next to me, gossiping about me right in front of my face to actually help. My wife in 5 years of marriage has not once helped me to better understand a Hindi movie, and she gets annoyed by my even asking. In the western world, things which we consider to be common courtesy are unfathomably impossible for Indians.
In my opinion, India is better in books and to be observed historically. Forget your motherland. It’s become a hell, and will likely never improve in our lifetimes.
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Dear Rishi,
With respect, I think you have not tred my blog very well at all. I identify myself as an Australian living in India very aware of the faults you describe as well as Indias endearing qualities. So there is little point telling me to Forget your motherland. It’s become a hell”. I do understand your pain and frustrtion. I am sorry for your hurt. Relationships accross cultures can be hard as I discovered too.
However, I have chosen to see that in evey culture there is equal good and bad, what is prioritised is shaped by its collective values. I am presently in Australia, returning to india soon, I see good and bad in the Indian commmunity both in India and Austyralia. I found some great examples of community work and some exploitng others under a mask of service. I see that ín Westerners too, but perhaps they areless obvious about it? I have found India to reveal the most subtle and refined in some, and equally efuriatiating (behind a religious veneer atimes) in others.
When you are hurting, as you seem to be, its hard to find the good. But it is there. I hope you find peace and can see the good in Indians as well.
Brian
PS I studied history at University, hence interest in Indias past in this blog.
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